It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
