So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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