I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Randomize
