it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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