that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
