Define "chronic" masturbator.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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