my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
