he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
