Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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