Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
