If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
