I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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