i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
