Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
