the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
