Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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