im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
