I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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