I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Randomize
