it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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