Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
