Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What drink are we having for lunch?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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