Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
