I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
