hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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