She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
