you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Randomize
