I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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