so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
