Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
how drunk are you?
Several
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
