guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
