Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
