He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Less talking, more tequila
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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