The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
