my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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