I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
