My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
