he shaved USA in his pubs
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
