Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
only you would photoshop your dick
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he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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