i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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