omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My ass is underappreciated
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
