do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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