I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
