They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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