ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
