There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
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woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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