i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
