I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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