the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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