he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
