You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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