im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
