I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
