The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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