I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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