I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
