"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
