Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
