and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
