Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
