I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
