sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
...so i touched it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
