he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
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Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need water and some morals
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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