dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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