stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
