nut hugger
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
