listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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