i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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