i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.