his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
