Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
two words...techno handjob
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
