all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
