It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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