he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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