Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
