last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
