Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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