You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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