Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
