I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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