I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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