People in love make me want to vomit
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
