The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
