his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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